Why I Got Depressed

I am sharing this story today with the intention of helping all those fellows like me who are facing hard times in life. I know there are many souls out there who are struggling to find peace in their lives. In fact, that’s a majority. Today most people will agree on one thing that true happiness and sukoon are some things money cannot buy. You can go for a world tour but not be happy. You can wear expensive clothes but still have a turmoil of feelings and emotions going inside. Your bank balance may be good but the bebarkati in your income can upset you very much.

So… my story: Exactly one year back, I got depressed. I lost my job, my parents were away for umrah and I felt my world crumbling down. It wasn’t the first time I had lost a job. In the field I worked, companies opened and closed every day. So jobs were never forever. But the way I got depressed was something that happened for the first time.

I just got tired of everything. I got tired of my circumstances, I got tired of my work and I got tired of life in general. Although new jobs came easily, I couldn’t focus because of the thunderstorm going on inside. I used to cry uncontrollably while staring at blank screens of my computer. I sought help from friends and family. They kept suggesting new tactics to face the difficulties in my life. And I tried everything.

But nothing worked. Not even the fat blue pills prescribed by the psychiatrist. After a recent episode, the psychiatrist increased my dose. But this worried me. I thought maybe getting away to somewhere far for a few days will work. So I thought about staying with an old friend who lives in another city.

And then it occurred to me that I had not talked to that friend since a long time. So I went home and called her. She told me something no one else had told me in all this time while I was struggling with depression.

What she said wasn’t very philosophical. She simply told me that all this depression is because of our gunah and that I should consult a buzurg and have islahi taaluq with him so that he can guide me in the best way. It was simple and I may have heard those advices from other people but at that time and on that day, something clicked at its right place. It was like I had found the missing piece of the puzzle.

“Allah insaan ko besakun karta hai takay woh sukoon ki talab main Allah ko dhunday.” The Baba jee’s dialogue from Alif Allah and Insaan rang in my mind and I understood why I had been through all the pain for the last one year. Yes, it’s a little embarrassing that a TV drama inspired me but…

Today, Hazrat Shaikh Humayun Hanif DB with whom I have taken bayt also narrated the same thing in his islahi bayan. When Allah gives you any difficulty and makes your circumstances difficult, it is because He wants to get closer to you. Allah gives pain to a person, whom he loves very much, because He tries to nudge him out of gunah and bring Himself closer to him. “Jab dil toottay hain, halaat atay hain to Allah pak kuch Lena nahi chahta balkay dena chahta hai… Woh dil tor deta hai takay yeh dil ghaflat se baaz ajae.” Hazrat’s heart touching words strengthened my beliefs and further cleared the shadows in my thoughts.

Hazrat further stressed on this point, “Innallaha ma’as sabireen.” When a person accepts and exercises patience, Allah brings Himself closer to him. He doesn’t say that my banda gets closer to me. He says that I get closer to my banda. “Main apnay banday kay saath hota hun.” So essentially, we get the qurb of Allah when we do sabar. “Aur jab kisi ko Allah mil jae tu usay aur kia chahye.”

I have shared this story in a small attempt to inspire all those souls who are suffering from the pain I had been going through for a long time. Instead of complaining to Allah and being hopeless, think about it in a different way. Maybe Allah wants to bring Himself closer to you or maybe He is sending you messages to stop gunah and turn to him.

Here is the link of the islahi bayan of Hazrat Shaikh Humayun Hanif DB.

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